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Completed	February 2011
Title	Twilight
Author	Stephenie Meyer
Published	2006
Quote	"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him----and I didn't know how potent that part might be----that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."
Review	Let's just say, the author has hit the novelists' jackpot. This book is a bestseller, which is not to say it's a great book, by any means, but still, the author has succeeded in what she set out to do. She wrote a book that people want to read. To all my novel-writing girlfriends, take note. It does not take brilliance of intellect to write a bestseller. All it takes is a good plan, simple themes, a little conflict, some resolution, and an open ending to allow for sequels. This is the perfect book for teenagers, who inevitably think and wonder and ponder and hope about love and relationships. But the author, Stephenie Meyer, puts a nice little twist to that age-old equation. Meyer creates a male protagonist who is a vampire with a big heart and family values. How could you not like this vampire? He's a hot high school dude who knows right from wrong. He was raised in a good vampire family. His vampire father is the local ER doctor (vamp champ). He and his vampire siblings attend high school every day and get good grades. The vampire family lives in an awesome home (vamp camp). I have to say that I appreciate the fresh clean breeze that is Meyer's clean-cut Mormon brand of morality. Meyer is all about the electric nature of first love without any of its sleazy underbelly. Meyer is all about creating a "pure" love that comes from an emotional understanding. Meyer is not shy about waving her Mormon flag, and quite frankly, I think that's part of the reason this book is such a success. Finally, we have characters who exercise some restraint in this time of austerity. They never even kiss (vamp stamp), let alone anything more. In fact, there is great discussion in the book as to why nothing really happens. Edward (hunky vampire) says to Bella (vamp tramp), so as to explain why they can never have frivolous high-school sex, "'That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident.' His voice had become just a soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it against my cheek. 'If I was too hasty...if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you.'" Bella, being Bella, pushes him for more throughout the book until Edward finally says to her, "Bella, we're not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it." Now I don't know about you, but this is all quite hilarious. How an author can put those words on paper with a straight face is beyond me. But it somehow works in this genre. There are lots of absurd and funny moments in the story, beginning with the initial setting: "In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds." But, of course the vampire family lives in the very cloudy Pacific North West where it rains all the time (vamp damp). That way, Edward, the hunky vampire never has to deal with sunshine. How very convenient. But what, say, would ever happen if Edward were exposed to the sun (vamp lamp)? Says Bella: "Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn't get used to it, though I'd been staring at him all afternoon. His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday's hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his scuplted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal." Well, I could go on and on about all the bad writing that comprises this novel. But who's laughing now? Stephenie Meyer is the brainchild behind this book, and the ones that followed it. I hope she's laughing all the way to the bank. OK, just because I can't help it, here's another snippet of humor from the book. It's Bella, in all seriousness, in her bedroom, trying to decide what to wear for her date with Edward. "It was hard to decide what to wear. I doubted there were any etiquette books detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart take you home to meet his vampire family." I sure hope the author had as much fun writing this book as I had reading it.

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